We're so excited to let you all in on our little secret.... we're adopting! We're still very early in the process and know that there is so much still ahead, but couldn't wait to share our news with our friends and family. (You all know how difficult it is for me to keep secrets - like REALLY hard.) We're nervous, because this process can seem SO daunting, but we also know that there is so much love and support in our community, and so much we can learn from all of you about parenting, adoption, and building a strong family. We are already overflowing with love for our future little Krug!
So how'd we get here?
Since the beginning of our relationship, Eric and I have always been on the same page about wanting kiddos, and that we wanted to start trying pretty much right after the wedding. And try we did. (Newlyweds amiright?) But month after month, we were faced with big fat NOT PREGNANT in capital letters. After the first year of not really worrying about it, knowing that the timing could be off with both of our jobs being incredibly active, and that "these things take time," I finally made an appointment with my OBGYN. She assured me that even though I was older (seriously y'all, did you know pregnancy after 35 is considered GERIATRIC?!) a huge percentage of couples got pregnant within a year.
But we didn't.
All in, we went through rounds and rounds of hormones, ultrasounds, an HSG - which I passed out not once but twice during, and likely scarred the ultrasound tech - and 4 IUI's. Let's just say that the amount of tears that I can produce withOUT hormones is already at an astronomical level. So, the meds, plus the disappointment each month really did a number on both my and Eric's sanity (he's a saint). After almost 2 years, and after seeing another specialist out of St. Louis, we learned that our likelihood of actually conceiving was very low due to a low ovarian reserve, possible endometriosis, and that we should immediately start trying IVF - basically the next month - even then, my chances would be low, really low, like 30% low. We've been programmed to believe that this is something that is SO easy to do, something that we're designed to do naturally, so to find out that we couldn't and that it was my fault... lets just say that there were several very tearful phone calls and conversations.
But, it also provided Eric and I with a lot of perspective and the opportunity to really sit down and discuss the options in front of us. When dealing with infertility, especially in your mid-thirties, it kind of feels like you're a ticking time bomb. Every month you're not pregnant you're one step closer to not having a child. Our doctor was wonderful with the news, but we felt very pressured to make a quick decision, and were very uncomfortable with the timeline. We both had hesitations about IVF, the expense, and our chances of conceiving. It just didn't feel like the right choice for us. My mind kept returning to those conversations we'd had throughout the first few years of our relationship about how adoption was something we both felt very strongly pulled towards. So we waited, and we prayed for clarity.
For months, I would find myself googling various adoption agencies and clicking on "more information" but would hesitate before filling out our information. I'd even click on the waiting child lists and find myself crying in our office over all of the pictures and stories. One night, Eric asked what on earth I was looking at, and with tears in my eyes, I told him that I only wanted to pursue adoption moving forward. He agreed, and we cried together (though he would never admit to that) over children seeking their forever families.
Dealing with infertility is a painful and lonely process, but it's not the end of our story. We know that our family will not be defined by DNA, and there are children out there who we would be privileged to give our love. We can't wait to get started!
We'll be updating this blog as a way to document the process and keep you all up to date. Thank you so much for your love and support!
xoxo
Ashley & Eric
But, it also provided Eric and I with a lot of perspective and the opportunity to really sit down and discuss the options in front of us. When dealing with infertility, especially in your mid-thirties, it kind of feels like you're a ticking time bomb. Every month you're not pregnant you're one step closer to not having a child. Our doctor was wonderful with the news, but we felt very pressured to make a quick decision, and were very uncomfortable with the timeline. We both had hesitations about IVF, the expense, and our chances of conceiving. It just didn't feel like the right choice for us. My mind kept returning to those conversations we'd had throughout the first few years of our relationship about how adoption was something we both felt very strongly pulled towards. So we waited, and we prayed for clarity.
For months, I would find myself googling various adoption agencies and clicking on "more information" but would hesitate before filling out our information. I'd even click on the waiting child lists and find myself crying in our office over all of the pictures and stories. One night, Eric asked what on earth I was looking at, and with tears in my eyes, I told him that I only wanted to pursue adoption moving forward. He agreed, and we cried together (though he would never admit to that) over children seeking their forever families.
Dealing with infertility is a painful and lonely process, but it's not the end of our story. We know that our family will not be defined by DNA, and there are children out there who we would be privileged to give our love. We can't wait to get started!
We'll be updating this blog as a way to document the process and keep you all up to date. Thank you so much for your love and support!
xoxo
Ashley & Eric
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