Adoption Q + A: Getting Started


Holy guacamole y’all!
We cannot thank you all enough for the amazing outpouring of encouragement, support, and advice we’ve received since we shared our news. Other than being able to no longer contain our excitement, we knew that there was a wealth of knowledge in our community about adoption and parenting overall, and you all did not disappoint. We are so stinking lucky to have you all in our lives!
We’ve been getting so many questions about the process, our decisions, questions about the baby, etc. so I decided to compile one big blog post to answer them all. We’re still learning and are by no way the experts; our answers may change over time as we make our way through the process and learn more. We’ll also try to answer any additional questions you may have so feel free to reach out or respond in the comments. Our answers are what we chose for our family, based on our needs in this moment. There’s no right or wrong way to adopt, and you’ve gotta do what is right given your situation.

Are you adopting internationally, domestic, or through foster system?

We’re pursuing a domestic adoption. Our hearts have always been VERY drawn to international adoption, but after several months of research and a lot of looooong conversations, we felt that a domestic adoption was the right first step for our family. That’s not to say that we won’t pursue an international adoption or fostering in the future, but as totally new to this whole parenting thing couple, this was the right fit for us right now.

Why not choose to foster a child?

We’ve gotten this question SO much lately, and I’m here to be totally real with y’all. I think that families who foster are literal angels walking among us. They’re so strong and necessary and total rock stars. But one of the most important conversations to have among yourselves when beginning to explore adoption is to be really clear on what you can and cannot handle. You have to be 100% onboard as a couple for every decision you’re about to make as a couple. And the thing that Eric and I have been 100% on the same page was how difficult it would be for us to foster a child and for whatever reason, have them leave our family. Foster care first and foremost is about family reunification, which we completely support, but it just meant that fostering isn’t the right fit for our family right now.

How old will the child be?

We’ve indicated that we are open to a child under the age of 3, but traditionally our program places primarily infants.

Will the adoption be open or closed?

The range of closed adoptions (where the biological parents have no direct contact with the adoptive families) all the way to fully open adoptions (where the biological parents does participate in the process of placing their child with an adoptive family and may continue to have contact thereafter,) is huge, and most adoptions generally fall in the middle. We don’t have the absolute answer to this question yet, but it’s something we’ve been talking a lot about together and with our agency.
Most adoptions now have some level of openness (for example, our agency requires that adoptive parents be open to at least a semi open adoption, where the biological parents choose the adoptive family and will likely have some level of communication throughout the pregnancy and the child’s life.) There are oftentimes requirements to provide a yearly letter and photos to the biological parents, but most importantly, it’s really up to the biological parents to determine the level of communication they’d like to have and see if that matches our own ideas. This helps with the placement process so that everyone is on the same page from the very beginning.

What is the time frame and where in the process are you?

We are currently just starting the home study process, which usually takes 1-3 months, and once our home study paperwork and review have been approved, our profile will “go public”. We are enrolled in both programs with American Adoptions, meaning that we’re open to a child of any race, which can sometimes have a quicker placement time, but generally the estimate following the home study is anywhere from 1-9 months. So we very likely may have a tiny Krug in our arms by the end of 2020!

How did you choose your agency?

Oh man, this was a process for us. There are just SO many options; consultants, agencies, lawyers, word of mouth… it’s endless. We did a LOT of research, and I reached out to friends who had used various methods for their adoptions as well as directly contacting nearly every adoption agency in our area for more information. What was wonderful was the breadth of information that we received from every agency we contacted, it was so helpful to have things broken down, and that even if we didn’t choose them, they still had really valuable information about the process to give us. We ended up choosing American Adoptions following several phone calls with one of their social workers. He put us at ease SO much and answered every weird question that we threw at him. They provided a lot of support for birth mothers (including education and counseling throughout the process,) and that was a huge priority for us.
Another thing we were very concerned with was the potential of a disrupted placement (it happens,) and losing the money we’d already invested in the process and having to start back at square one. It really sucks that money is something that we have to be concerned with in this process, but it’s a very real component. American Adoptions will reimburse adoptive parents of many of the expenses incurred in the case of a disrupted or failed adoption, which helps enormously when going active again.

What are the costs?

Adoptions can have a pretty huge range of costs depending on the circumstances, but on average it is estimated that a domestic adoption will cost anywhere from $35,000 - $50,000. Our agency requires adoptive parents to set the adoption budget (this helps with placements as well if there are circumstances that would lead to an adoption on the higher end.) We are anticipating our adoption expenses will likely be around $42,000 and are actively working to raise the funds throughout the whole process. We’re also working to save extra, as both of our employers don’t offer maternity or paternity leave, and we’ll likely have to take FMLA leave as we are traveling to our child’s birth state and settling in and bonding with our child once we return.

Are you scared?

I’m pretty sure every new parent is slightly terrified, so duh, yes. But we’re more excited than anything. We’ve loved watching our nephew grow up and being a part of that process (he’s three now,) and cannot wait to be parents. I think that excitement and love we have for our future child completely eclipses any of our fears.

Are you still trying to get pregnant?

It’s kinda funny how often people talk to me about getting pregnant after our adoption announcement. Literally EVERYONE knows someone who adopted and then got pregnant, but we aren’t pursuing any infertility treatments or actively trying to get pregnant any more. (I talked a little bit about our struggle with infertility in the last post.) We aren’t medically preventing pregnancy (I’m taking a break from ANY additional hormones in my body… I’ve got enough on my own) but we know our chances of pregnancy are pretty low, so we’re not too worried about it. We feel super confident in our choice to adopt and are so excited! 



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