shit i did instead of blogging

This week was kind of a cluster fuck y'all. Not in that, holy hell I just have such a busy and important life that I couldn't possibly get to everything way.  More like the, ehhh I could accomplish things with my life OR I could binge watch literally anything on TV while bored eating an entire bag of Milano cookies. Those days happen. Or in my case, four of them happened. I'm not going to waste your time with the whole "I'm sooo sorry for not blogging this week" routine because c'mon, I totally just admitted I'm occasionally a slacker. (A slacker with a belly full of delicious Milano cookies. And that's sort of a win.) Instead, here's a short list of things I did instead of blogging.

1. Watched Sharknado. Made sure that everyone in my life knew it by over emphasizing that "It's a tornado. Made of sharks. And there are chainsaws. And that guy from 90210. Not Luke Perry. The ugly one." Used as many shark puns as possible.  

2. Slid down a slide on a houseboat. While holding a beer. Didn't spill a drop.

3. Decided that I would be the best buzzfeed contributor alive. Started a new post. Immediately was sucked into 3 consecutive hours of baby animals and real housewives gifs.  Never wrote article.

4. Became obsessed with being the kind of girl who rocked ridiculous sneakers all the time. Found the perfect pair of Nike Dunks. Realized I was far too much of a tightwad to buy them. Looked at more baby animals online to cure sadness.

5. Ranked the Real Housewives seasons and wives from best to crazy. Will email to Andy Cohen.

6. Went to a 80's cover band show at the lake. Played air guitar on my leg. Played air guitar on my neighbors leg. Felt awesome.

7. Witnessed the beginning of a highly inappropriate girls gone wild piece being filmed on  the courtesy dock after the concert. In public. Ran away as quickly as possible while muttering, too much to lose, and herpes are forever to all of my friends.

Soooo yeah.... An entirely unproductive, at times uncomfortable couple of days.  Meh, it happens. But I'm improving. I read about Syria all day and went grocery shopping. Like an adult. Boom life. I'm back in the game.


  1. Herpes are forever. I've got to remember that. It's funny because it's true.

  2. I am so glad I am not the only one who was so excited about Sharknado. I cannot wait until the next one! I may even have a Sharknado party for when it airs.

  3. This made me laugh sooooo hard! Hahaha! Glad you're back, but if this is how you return, you can take a break any time you need!